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Calvary Church Staff |
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Fun Stuff |
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See a fantastic slide show of one man’s true to life models |
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See the amazing progression of the International Space Station |
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Children’s Book Selection
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FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE
Joshua based on the best-selling novel by Joseph Girzone The world can be divided into two camps: those who will watch Joshua reverently and gratefully, and those who will not touch it with a 10-foot pole. The reverent probably own Joseph F. Girzone's bestselling novel about a mysterious but friendly loner who shows up in a small American town and blesses every life he touches. Whites and blacks, Catholics, Protestants, and Jews will work side by side as newly recognized brethren; an estranged couple will resolve to save their marriage; the lonely and disconnected will embrace and be embraced by community; etc. The message--the healing power of Christ's love--is beyond reproach, the intentions of the filmmakers entirely benign, but there is not one whit of dramatic tension or narrative complication to any of it. The cast is stronger than usual in such religious projects (Tony Goldwyn, Oscar® winner F. Murray Abraham, Giancarlo Giannini as the Pope), but no one has a prayer with a script that posits the hero's Christhood on the fact that 12 people show up for his going-away dinner.
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Malcolm Muggeridge on Humor
“The assumption that a sense of humour and a Christian faith are incompatible is totally mistaken. In point of fact, the writers of the great classics of humour-Rebelais, Cervantes, Swift, Gogol– Even comedians, like Bob Hope, tend to be believers rather than sceptics or cynics... Laughter is, indeed, God’s therapy. Let us then be thankful that, when the Gates of Heaven swing open, mixed with the celestial music there is the unmistakable sound of celestial laughter. |
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The Lord’s Laughter
After church, an eight-year-old boy told his little brother: “I don’t know all the Ten Commandments. The only ones I remember are ‘settle down,’ ‘act your age,’ and ‘take that out of your mouth.’” * * * * *
On the way to church Easter morning, a four-year-old girl explained to her aunt that at her church “there are envelopes and little pencils to write with, but you have to leave a tip.”
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Copyright 2009 Calvary United Methodist Church York PA All Rights Reserved |
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Greetings amateur lexicographers!
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. See how many of these you can work into your emails in the coming year... Have fun!
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
6. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
7. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
8. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
9. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
10. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
11. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
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The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n..): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n.): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v.): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole
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A PASTOR’S POETIC REQUEST |
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“If you must sleep through the sermon” Said the pastor, oh so prim.
“Please try to snore in the same key As the closing hymn.”
—Pastor Donald Prout Victoria Austrailia |
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Three daily reminders: Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Have the courage to do the right thing because it is right. —Mark Twain |
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Available on Blu-Ray or DVD
Available at most rental services including NETFLIX
Also available from Amazon.com |
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Snuggle Puppy By Sandra Boynton |
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The Sunday school teacher pointed to a picture of “The Last Supper” and asked the class: “What do you think Jesus was saying at the Last Supper?” Little Jimmy raised his hand and answer- ed: “If you want to be in the picture, come around to this side of the table.: —Rev. Harry Mahoney Dedham, MA |
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A waitress in a restaurant saw the meager tips left by a church group and complained to her boss later: “These people come in with the Ten Commandments and a $10 bill, and they don’t break any of them.” |